covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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