i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
