david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
