Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
