I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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