yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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