He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
