Im at strip club and am horny
look no pants
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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