I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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