I am puke
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
