You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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