this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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