my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i think i just lost a toe
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
