You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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