There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
