I just made out with a guy for $7.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
