Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
