shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk is not a location!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
