I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
