omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
