Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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