It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
