How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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