ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
