Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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