She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
