I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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