Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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