it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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