My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize