actually, I'm a sock model
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
