I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You need Xanax blowdarts
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
