wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
