Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
