My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
