I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
