My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
