I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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