hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize