just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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