Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
