Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
God I need to hump something, right now.
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