he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
