ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
