just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize