I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
