You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
