Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
