Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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