Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
