You're my little dorito
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
