yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
