Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
