got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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