I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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