Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
