omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
