I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
