He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
