I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
