my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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