its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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