this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
