i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
