True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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