You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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